Self-betrayal is a grievous matter. It rots the mind like cancer. The remedy lies in clarity and integrity of thinking. Try to understand that you live in a world of illusions, examine them and uncover their roots. The very attempt to do so will make you earnest, for there is bliss in right endeavor.
Highly self-critical people tend to be dissatisfied in their romantic relationships because they assume their partners are judging them as harshly as they judge themselves. The misperception of even fairly neutral statements as disparaging often leads to oversensitive reactions and unnecessary conflicts. This means that self-critics often undermine the closeness and supportiveness in relationships that they so desperately seek.
Spirit comes from the Latin word, to breathe. What we breathe is air, which is certainly matter, however thin. Despite usage to the contrary, there is no necessary implication in the word spiritual that we are talking of anything other than matter, including the matter of which the brain is made, or anything outside the realm of science. Science is not only compatible with spirituality, it is a profound source of spirituality. When we recognize our place in an immensity of light years, and in the passage of ages, when we grasp the intricacy beauty and subtly of life, then that soaring feeling, that sense of elation and humility combined, is certainly spiritual. So are our emotions in the presence of great art, or music or literature. Or of acts of exemplary acts of selfless courage… The notion that science and spirituality are somehow mutually exclusive, does a disservice to both.
If you cling, you will suffer. If you let go of that clinging, that suffering disappears. In dependence on clinging, a certain kind of suffering arises. When that dependent condition for suffering goes away, that suffering goes away as well.
The more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most.
I hate music videos. I want to create my own imagery for a song. I like to think and daydream to music. Music helps me be creative. When a musician assigns visuals to a song, I’ll no longer contrive my own images and ideas by listening to the song (which is the most pleasurable aspect of music for me)… I’ll only see the damn video. The creative effect the song had on me is then destroyed. After seeing a music video, I’ll start to hate the song even if I once liked it.
‘Beauty is truth, truth beauty,’ – that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.
I never really provided a formal introduction, so here it is:
I am a 26-year old female living in Sedona, Arizona, the ancient ritual grounds and mystic mecca. I am rootless and have a history of moving frequently. I crave constant transformation, though I have a house now and vow to remain here for at least a few years. I am a businesswoman, but have training and education in numerous other fields (I’ve already had a few career switches… I was non-committal in my younger days, but that’s changed).
I was born under a new moon on Day of the Dead in Chicago. My loved ones tease that my unconventionality was written in the stars.
/PERSONALITY/ I am an eccentric, artsy intellectual. I am in love with the unknown, for that is the place of science. I am highly theoretical, analytical, logical, and meditative, and I am passionate about beauty and truth. I love to converse/debate with other rational people on obscure topics. I am a very giving and loyal friend and possess a kind, agreeable nature. I am an animal fanatic. I gush over my pets. I prefer to hang out with friends in a small group setting. I “adopt” my friends as family members. I am fierce and protective. I have an ironic sense of humor and I laugh a lot. I find life very comical in a nihilistic sort of way, and I am usually in good spirits and optimistic. I am highly opinionated without being judgmental. I occasionally defend or debate in favor of opinions counter to my own in order to learn more about a given subject, or to restore a balance of ideas in an environment. Wherever too many individuals have the same opinion, creativity turns stagnant. I observe life more than I participate in it. A very marked part of my personality is my extreme love of the mysterious and a tendency to engage in long professorial monologues about philosophy. Once I’ve uncovered the mystery behind some idea, I generally lose interest in it. I am unsatisfied with established ideas. I am an iconoclast: I dislike tradition, dogma, cultural norms, and taboo, but I still value elegance and impeccable manners. I am flexible, though, and I don’t force my opinions on others. I can be very sociable and outgoing even though I’m more of an introvert. I like being in public so long as I have ample alone time to recharge afterwards. I am a very creative thinker and crave lots of variety in my life. I am obsessed with cognitive science and the study of consciousness. I nullify emotions that cannot be explained by logic. I am objective and detached, and base my decisions on reason instead of feelings. Because of those qualities, I am excellent at any kind of emergency management. I am decisive, spontaneous, and lucid at times when others would crumble emotionally. I am not much of a party-person, as my inner world is far more colorful than anything I will ever find in the achromatic, external realm. I can be pretty oblivious to my surroundings because I am always so deep in contemplation. Others sometimes label me as “distant,” but I am actually just a very deep and focused thinker. I am actually very approachable and friendly. I prefer to spread my influence from behind the scenes. I am a very “liberated” woman. I cannot stand people that self-sacrifice for others’ fleeting approval. I genuflect to no one; I believe everyone is totally equal. I do not regard anyone as a “celebrity” worthy of preferential treatment. I dislike sycophants. My personality is more gender-neutral. I am equally right- and left-brained. I follow an esoteric spiritual path and am also a Reiki healer. I am not by denotation “religious,” because I do not adhere to any codes or doctrine. If my “beliefs” (and I’m extremely hesitant to call them that… they are more like theories) are proven wrong by science, then I would experience no cognitive-dissonance whilst abandoning them. Not only do I reject the notion that morality depends on religion, but I believe that most religions are immoral. It’s worth noting that I dislike progressive dogmatism as much as I dislike Christian Conservatism; both place constraints on free thought. I believe that Sharia is a crime against humanity.
/LOCATION/ I was born in the Hyde Park neighborhood of Chicago, but I am essentially rootless. I moved around a lot during my lifetime. I live in the Mojave Desert at the moment, but will soon be on the move again. I am well-traveled and have lived in other countries. I filled up my passport in 5 years, which is pretty good for someone my age. My next trips will be to ancient, sacred locations in India, Tibet, Bhutan, Nepal, and Burma.
/MUSIC/ I listen to music that reflects how I feel; I never select music with the intention of transforming my mood. Music is a way for me to escape into a deep meditation. Music and exercise, for me, serve as conduits to the void. My favorite genre of music is old school black metal. I have a love for all genres of old school metal, but I prefer the very dark, progressive stuff with intense breakdowns and orgasmic guitar solos. Other genres I like are goat metal, vintage rock, psychedelic, Japanese classical, dark ambient, solfeggio frequencies, and other meditational genres. “Happy” music really pisses me off. Music that is upbeat or meant to evoke “tender” and sappy emotions is like acid in my veins.
/TV/MOVIES/BOOKS/ I dislike television, unless a good documentary is on. Sometimes I like watching shows about real-life murder mysteries like ID Discovery. I am not interested in fictional film, even though I like to act and write scripts (bizarre, I know). I am dependent on encyclopedias and my smart phone. I constantly research topics, and these topics constantly change. I am extremely curious and am *always* investigating some scientific, philosophical, esoteric, or random concept. My room is stacked with scientific journals, psychology textbooks, philosophy books, world newspapers, tarot cards, occult texts, etc.
/AESTHETICS/ Art is very important to me. I love to admire and critique it. I collect very unique items and abhor kitsch. I am particularly interested in ancient esoteric art. I lust after art that is related to the traditional Left Hand Path, like Vamachara, Taoism, and left Vajrayana. The art of Western pop-culture Left Hand Path (Satanism and hippie New Age Tantra) usually seems kitsch to me. I also love crystals, anything related to Day of the Dead, dried flowers, intensely-colored Indian, Nepalese, or Moroccan textiles, and I have an enormous collection of antique Indian brass and Asian bronze art. My home always smells of candles and incense. I have a penchant for interior decorating and spend a lot of time scouring antique shops and Asian import stores.
/ACTIVITIES/ I have a very special intuitive connection with animals. I have three cats. I enjoy being alone in nature. I care about the environment. I am very physically active and fit. I’m like a black hole—-I weigh so much more than I look due to muscle tone.
/LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS/ I have no human children and I am not dating anyone. I’m single not because I am puzzled about what I want, but because I know precisely what I need out of a relationship. Sure, love is a mystical, magical thing. However, falling in love is not mystifying at all. There is an algorithm behind every phenomenon, and love is no exception. I fall in love when someone reflects back to me my highest spiritual values. I know exactly who I am and what I want. I do not feel lonely or isolated as a single, but I’d feel isolated if I dated someone that was not very similar to me.
I fantasize about ectomorphs with medium to long hair and some fashion sense (though I’m not so vain and superficial that I’d reject someone with a beautiful mind simply because his appearance was imperfect). I cherish elegant, cerebral, theoretical, concise men. I prefer somewhat-reserved quasi-to-true geniuses. Nothing turns me on more than a soft-spoken eloquence, so the pathway to my heart is through my ears. To me, love occurs mostly at the mental-level. Love is an intellectual and intuitive thing. Love, to me, is about bouncing theories of the unknown off my significant other. I want to marry someone whose most profound emotions occur when contemplating the mysteries of the universe. I need someone that will think creatively with me. I understand that finding a mindmate is no easy task, but I could remain single for the rest of my life with minimal complaints. I can always find an astral daka :P …
/PET PEEVES/ It annoys me when people repeat what they’ve already stated once or expect me to repeat myself. I deeply hate narcissism. I cannot stand when others feel entitled to things that they have not sacrificed for. I don’t like emotionally super-charged environments or maudlin sentiment. I hate the government and politicians. I dislike control freaks. I hate demagoguery. I hate hubris!!! I hate group mentality. Gullibility, incompetence, and naïveté drive me insane. I cannot stand black-and-white thinking, as a judgmental personality is the enemy of ingenuity and science. Though I do love eschatology (it is entertaining and thought-provoking), I am annoyed by both religious and secular cosmophobia. I am confounded by people that interpret their religious texts as anything more than archetypal sagas. I dislike the concept of faith in religion, for faith is pre-judgment/ prejudice. Faith is anti-intellectual and suppresses one’s yearning for Truth. The ones that say that only “God” may know the answers to some things are defeatists. Wisdom is meant to be attained; truth is meant to be realized. My religion IS seeking wisdom in the (“un”-)fathomable darkness of Chaos. Science and spirituality are One. I do in fact believe in higher spiritual powers, but the only way to realize “God” is through science and intuition.
/HOPES/STRUGGLES/ My immediate goals are related to my career and finances. I am building my career while saving to open my own business/es. I am working on a number of art projects. I am also interested in the stock market and like investing. I hope to move back to Europe from the States in a few years. This time, I’d like to live in Sweden. Ultimately, the purpose for my living is to seek truth and the obliteration of my personality/ego through meditation.